More Thoughts on Love

I will not confess that I am some hopeless addict to (romantic) love, nor one who desperately craves for it. Not to say I am void of love, of course, but that my writing more on it doesn’t have to mean I have some emotional despair. But I know love is more the emotional need than anything else. How else to explain all the pop songs (~80% I reckon?) going on about lost, unattainable love? The movies and books all rant about it. If you haven’t realised it probably is as good a genre as horror or action. Maybe better. Because it’s something queer pulling at everyone.

The version of love we know devours, eats away, when we are made to accept love in the brutally realistic manner it approaches us outside popular culture. It looks like this:

  1. It is unsustainable on just a ‘diet’ of intimacy. In marriage is love realised, but with the cost of commitment.
  2. It opens us up to lashings and bruisings that come from the actions and words of that imperfect person you love.
  3. It is put to the harshest of the most bitter winds of life that blow us towards disease, death, and disaster.
  4. It is possibly lured away, or diminished, when the excitement of love dies down.

Surely many are known to this. Yet it comes as a biting shock when it materialises into this form we did not see coming (or did not think would come to us).

Why then, Man, dost thou search for this queer fantasy thou callest love?

I searched deep within, but know not;
my entire being inclineth toward that elusive yearning;
yet when I found it, knew not what I doth haveth;
hence, knew not what to do.

Oh Man, surely you are to blame;
for you have flirted with love,
lured her to your bedside, promising
a life of bliss and devotion; but when
thou hast found her stripp’d
bare of her ornaments, and did
frolick a number or so, thou
stood appall’d, shak’n, disbelief’d.

Forgive me! I knoweth my darkness,
Oh, my wretched desires that do
Match not my inabilities, to look after
And guard thereafter, this brittle Love.
But thou couldst blame me no more, for
Mother Nature had played a cruel trick
Raising her Sceptre of Sickness in her left hand
And her Daggers of Death in her right,
Did chance us harsh winters, long periods
Of bleakness, that wore my precious Love thin.

If only you were to hear your cry! O, Man,
How foolish thou art! If thou wouldst see for thyself
How foolish thou art! They do pronounce,
“Temet nosces”, yet thou saw not beyond
Present fortunes and happiness
Knew not thy weaknesses in the times of dark;
Brazenly still took thee the coveted diamond
From its place on the altar, and spoke the words
To seal this Love forever.





Quote by C.S. Lewis

Quote by C.S. Lewis

“I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy. The most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

Random: On Illusions II (Control)

I did cover control quite a fair bit in the previous two ‘random’ posts. Not very random now that I think about it. But nonetheless interesting to have around my blog apart from all my usual impromptu poems. Not that they aren’t cool :p

But I must say that while in the freedom-control pair control belongs mainly to an entity, a body, or peoples of much greater power or authority (e.g. government, law enforcement, deity), I was also interested in the human desire to possess, to own and be in charge. That man seeks both freedom and control is quite the paradoxical thing, since knowing that the extent of the oppression of control is enough to make him seek freedom, he still goes out to do the same. But on a second glance maybe not. Continue reading

Random: On Illusions – An Aside

Right after I posted my interests on the illusion of freedom, I thought I might also share the nature of the ‘freedom from religion’, as a study. Please do note that I do explore this topic not intending to offend anybody in particular, only that I offer perspectives about our concepts.

I was provoked to thought as I recall my friend around 2 years ago, declaring proudly to me: “I’m a freethinker. I’m like a free bird flying in the air; free from the chains of religion.” During then I think I simply thought a while about what he said but I did not respond in any way. I am a Protestant myself, and one of the cool things we believe in is listening to others’ views, not forcing our views upon other people. So I simply sat there digesting my friend’s words (and my meal), choosing to remain silent. 

Continue reading

Random: On Illusions

I just thought of reiterating what is probably a very popular topic: illusions in our daily life, or of life in general. Specifically for this purpose I hoped to share some of what might be my thoughts on the (double/twin) illusions of freedom and control.

Disclaimer: I make no claims (see what I did there) that all this content is completely originally mine. In fact, I said ‘reiterating’, meaning I just find these concepts rather interesting.

First, freedom. Everyone seems to have a great idea of what freedom is like, especially freedom from those torturous burdens of life that weigh us down. All these burdens and chains are to some extent common to all, and to some extent private to different people. We yearn for freedom of speech (i.e. freedom from silence and other grave concepts), freedom from the ‘establishments’, freedom from human systems, even freedom from the law. All these can indeed be ambiguous and interpreted differently by different people, whether it is because of personal experience or socio-historical context. Regardless, if you will notice, I phrased everything as ‘freedom from X’.

Continue reading

Falling Over

I tried to take a step back,
I tried to turn around,
A decisive half-pirouette it would be.
But instead I tripped, flailing
But instead I went one three-sixty
Falling back into your arms.

I tried to forget all the
Times that we had, all those
Bittersweet memories of ‘us’,
But there in my nightmares you are holding me
And there in my dreams we laugh over silly things
So my erasing failed
And my memory falls back into you.

I pushed myself far from the
Perfume you carry that
Calls to mind citrus and jasmine and you
I struggled to find a small
Refuge to hide in
Away from the treehouse we made

When can I stop the flashbacks relentless
What could I do so to think of you less
Where should I go where I could never see you
Why is it, that the whole world should remind me
Of you?

I shut the door, covering my ears
In a total sea of darkness
The deafening silence fizzles out
Until I can hear your laughter
Warming me in ways I don’t want it to
Tingling and soothing me 
Like it used to

Please. It all came back, and I 
Can’t keep from falling over you
Please come back.


Fantasia on a Theme

Fantasia on a Theme

The grand before us calls,
First whisp’ring our valored name
Then echoing it off the plains,
The fields, the fortress walls,
The cavernous crevices
And the endless thin air
Far above the wavy mountain peaks
It beckons, draws, pulls us
It is taking our breath away.

The vision of vastness before us
Expands and unravels in our minds
Past the sheer limits of what we can imagine.

The undercurrents are dark and disquieting.
The cold ravine-waters streak and sneak
Far below our feet, sending only 
Howls, back up.

We took the step, then again, and so 
The journey began, forward
Jagged cliffs offering the sights
Only Nature could give
Free skies and lulling oceans
Flying into the green and blue
Tentatively, then in great desire
To quench the heart of thrill exhilarating.

From someplace the danger almost hit us
Catching our step, tangling us in undergrowth
Or seizing our balance, feinting a fall into water

We searched the tops of every canopy, 
The expanses of the grass
In pursuit of nothing really,
Just our little fantasies
Of what it could be like
If we went a bit further.