Emoticons I – :|

foreword. I’m not using emoticons in the ‘digital’ sense, but as my metaphor for the hiding behind words and facades. 

A blank slate.
No, far from that! You’re hardly
A blank slate, you’re not
A cold slab of stone
Though that side of you is surfacing now.
More like, void of expression. 
You, who used to reflect
Trills of the expression spectrum
With your raised eyebrows, 
Searching eyes, pursed lips,
Neat rows of white moonlight teeth,
Indecisive dimples, 
Drooping eyelids, the nights on the
Bus that took us home, always 
Ending with you sound asleep 
On my shoulder, a tired face 
Finding rest.

Some violent jolt
I don’t know when
Must have concussed 
you, must have knocked
your love of cry and laugh
into some place deep and lost
and ever since no one could find 
it. You don’t sit next to me anymore. 

The moon still shines 
(On nights when I think of you,
You and your pursed lips and
Your escaping breath, and 
Your jasmine whiff)
The night calls for us
(Only in the short lapses
In my thoughts, that jump to flashes of us
That rub the crashing sea’s salt fresh
Into my wounds, 
That cripple my recovering walk, so that
I get back up many many times)

But all the time
I know I want us
(Us back to back on the open fields,
Us side by side lying on the sunrise-kissed beach,
Us shoulder to shoulder on the buses home,
Us hand in hand, finding Venus
in the cloudless nightsky)

 

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